how to keep people at arms length and never get to close,
how to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most,
how to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone,
how to keep smiling when you're thinking of drowning yourself,
how to know them all the too well by going with them,
how to stay stuck in your life hating them,
how to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment,
how to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else.
and this is me then.